A Tale Of Loss, More Loss, Love, Loss, And Finding True Love
I want to tell you a story. I promise it’s a good one.
30-ish years ago, I was put on this planet. I was miserable as a child, because I was physically and mentally abused. I got the shit kicked out of me a lot growing up. That’s a super fun way to grow up!
So I got out. Got away. Moved to Nashville and then SF/Berkeley.
May 4th, 2017 — The First day you must remember.
I quit my job. I started dating a wonderful human. It was NEVER going to work. But she taught me a lot and left with so much joy. For that I can never fault her. She also pushed me to get my bipolar in order. It’s not there yet, but I’m trying.
May 5th, 2017 — I lost one of my best friends. My Uncle Steve. Truly an amazing guy. He kept me sane thru the insanity of life. He made life fun.
The next date you must remember July 19, 2018. I lost my best friend in the world. My cousin, Tyler. I think about him constantly. I just wanna text him. He was my go-to whenever life went crazy or I needed advice. I cannot explain to you the pain I feel knowing he’s not here.
Next date: June 2020. I was going thru withdrawal from alcohol. I had a seizure, and only 3 people know this until now… I died. I don’t believe in God, because, when I died, I felt NOTHING. So I came back and tried picking up all the pieces.
Next date: February 7, 2021. I was admitted to the hospital, and put into a medically induced coma. Why? Alcoholism, baby! Truly horrific, and I never want to go thru that again!
April 26, 2021. I relapsed (barely) and went back into the hospital. I then checked myself into rehab. No one forced me. No one made me. It had to be done. And I got so much better and made so many good friends.
So why am I writing this?
I took a big step and moved across the country. I fell SO MADLY in love with a genius who loves me for me! Isn’t that what we all want?
I have cancer. Not alcohol related, but it hurts. A lot.
I’m in pain and all I want is compassion. Which my friends and wonderful partner provided. My family did not. In fact, they did the opposite. It was met with doubt, laughter, and ha ha’s. Also, someone trespassing and attempting to break in, threatening to call 911 when I was in CHEMO!!! Sure, call 911 to put me in the hospital I’m already in.
I’ve had more seizures in the last week than one could imagine. And I’ve been taken care of by said woman of my dreams and her cats.
All I ask for is compassion and love and space and understanding.
xoxo gossip gurl
